It’s days like this that make you wish life were a dream… So you could wake up from it all.
I found out late last week that my dear friend, Josh Lozano, passed away. When I first read the message, I thought it was a scam. “Seriously?”, I thought to myself. “This has got to be fake.” I ignored the Facebook message and went on with my surfs. But then I thought about it some more and stopped. I went back to the inbox and reread the text. My mind took a spin. I picked up the phone and called a friend to verify the info, “Yes, it’s true.” The reality of it was just too hard to swallow.
I met Josh when I was in middle school. We were in orchestra together. He was creative minded and talented. Smart and outgoing. I remember Josh’s best: He would say the most ridiculous and hilarious things and it would stick out like none other and make us all laugh out loud. He was younger than me by two years, but he was still cool enough to hang out with. My brother, Desmond, and Josh were in the same grade, which made my friend margin larger since Desmond and I shared many of the same friends. Josh played cello and bass. He was also involved in art. He took all the “smart people” classes and was very eccentric (to the max).
In high school, my friendship with Josh grew. I considered myself one of the fortunate students at my school to have a car early in the year, so I used it as an opportunity to drive my friends home after classes. I was known as the “Soccer Mom” because I would try to fit 10 kids in my Honda CRV, most of them strangers (to become new friends). I loved on my orchestra dorks like my own family. In fact, they were my family; we hung out every other day for food runs and games. Even my own mom took these “kids” in as her own. They were always welcomed at my house.
Time passed and almost everyone graduated to head to college. By this time, our “family” was scattered all over Texas. Some of us were at UT Austin, UT San Antonio, the University of Houston, and a few still in high school. The three cities were far, but our love and friendship for one another wasn’t. We made attempts to bring everyone back together each holiday season. It was back to food and games for us; the best fellowship medicine one could have. We were seriously family and I always looked forward to having a full car (just like the good ole days).
One of the last hangouts we did with Josh was about a year-and-a-half ago. We went out for wings at Wingstop again, our tradition, and came back to my house for games. We played Apples-to-Apples and threw down the most ridiculous cards we could find, like “Helen Keller” or “Adolf Hitler”. That was our humor and that was our favorite past-time.
Later that night, we even made “Dookie Cookies”. The cookie dough I bought from Kroger was kinda gross looking, so that’s what Josh called the cookies. It really did look like poop. It was a time for me and Josh to bake in the kitchen. A time well spent making yummy chocolate cookies.
When the night became late, we took a family photo. We hadn’t taken one in awhile, so we decided to renew our faces for this one. Man, we were cool kids. Nobody could break this love up. We were unstoppable.
One of the last times I saw Josh was in Chinatown Houston. He was with a friend and I was with Jeff. We had all just finished eating our dinner before running into each other. I gave him a hug and said, “We’ve gotta hang out again sometime!” It had been awhile since the family got together. Our lives got busier and crazier. But I really did mean it. I wanted to have another family reunion just to see all these “kids” faces again. I had missed everyone so much.
But up to this day, I never got to meet up with Josh. Like I said, life began to consume me and my time. School. Work. Classes. My career. All of these things made me lose sight of the relationships that were so important to me. My family and friends should have been number one over it all.
I recall having an intentional conversation with Josh one day while taking him home from school. He was living with his mom during the weekdays and his dad on the weekends. I asked him if he attended church, ever believed in God, and his thoughts about religion. He answered me honestly and I took his words to heart and began to pray for him. I found out later that he committed his life to Christ in 2007. This was a blessing for me to learn.
Although I didn’t get to keep up with Josh as much through these past months, I still feel close to him. My first day getting the news was the roughest. I had committed to leading four different youth groups at a conference/retreat that weekend and didn’t want to be distracted. But all I could think about was having the family back together again to be with Josh. I wanted so badly to be in the arms of those who comforted and loved and smiled with Josh during his time on earth. That night during worship, I broke into tears. Mad tears. I didn’t understand why or how this could happen so as any lost child would do, I cried. Kicking my chair in distress and anger, I sobbed into my arms. To me, it felt like I had lost a kid. My Soccer Mom car had one less passenger. I couldn’t believe it was true.
Then the words of the songs spoke to me: You are worthy to be praise. Oh praise Him! He is Holy.
I thought: How could I praise you right now? Just how? My heart is breaking into pieces.
As I cleaned myself up, I realized why He was worthy of praise. Because He made the heavens and the earth. He gives and takes away. He comforts and provides strength. He is the only One who can do all of these things and make things right and okay. I thank God that Josh is there with Him. That just adds another angel to the count in heaven. Let’s praise Him.
